You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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