I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have post one night stand depression
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
