The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
