i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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