best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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