I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
