Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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