I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
