throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
