You smell like stripper and shame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
