I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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