when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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