1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize