porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
