I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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