I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
