Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
