Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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