This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
