I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
