hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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