I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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