I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
