I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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