Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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