this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
