I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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