A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
