we have officially lost it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
