Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
