You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize