u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
