i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
