Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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