I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
