theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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