Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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