so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
