the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
