I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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