awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
