It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
