if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
