All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
