I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
