My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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