if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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