shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
