i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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