I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
