what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i now understand why vodka
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
