I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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