just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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