I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
