you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
