Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
