Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
