i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize