I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
