So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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