margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize