i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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