found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize