I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
