im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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