That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
