dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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