i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
