It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
