and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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