im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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