okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
