So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize