Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
