Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
