I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
