let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
