FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
