obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
