It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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