After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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