I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize