Where are you?
In a non slutty way
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
