I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
