P.S. I can't hear my feet
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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