he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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