she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
