She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
