Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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